I Am Miserable. I Hate This Capitalist Society. And I Am Happier Than I Have Ever Been

I am unhappy.
I am fairly miserable.
And...that makes me happy.
I'm happy that I am aware of how unhappy I actually am.
No lies.
No "looking on the bright side".
No "rose colored glasses".
Just the truth.
I don't like this world.
I don't like this society.
I resent being brought into a mess of a world and being expected to fix it.
I wouldn't have done it to someone else, and, I will do my utmost to fix things for my own children.
But...since all children are my children, I already have a lot of work to do.

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It occurred to me recently that I am happier than I have ever been.
Why?
Because I have never allowed myself to be as honest with myself as I am now.
I am miserable.
I hate this Capitalist society,
and,
that honesty makes me happier than I have ever been.

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It "focuses" me.
The understanding that I do not like this society,
that I am miserable,
I have always been miserable.

All my "slacking".
All my watching endless hours of tv,
playing endless hours of video games.
All the "blocking out" of a world I found too unnpleasant to allow myself to be fully aware of,
were not my fault.
I was a child.
Children are taught by their elders how to survive in a harsh world.
I was poorly taught,
poorly trained.
I can feel my limitless potential, pulling at the fringe of my awareness, but I wasn't taught how to tap into it.
I was taught to be an obedient drone.
Conditioned to be amenable to dull, monotonous routine, to sitting in class being lectured to ceaselessly, without feeling an actual connection with the material.

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It goes deeper than all that though.
I protect myself by being aware that I am miserable, by being honest about the fact that I am sad and unhappy.
By not "wasting energy" trying "to put a positive spin on things",
I have energy available for contemplation of how to fix the environment which is causing me misery in the first place.

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It Is Liberating

I Don't Have To Be Thankful
- None of this, "let us give thanks" stuff that I feel forced upon me

I Don't Have To Try To Feel Good Because Starving Children In Africa Have It So Much Worse
- What I have to do is fix the world, so that Nobody is starving anymore

I don't have to feel obligated to being happy when I am not.
I don't even have to try to feel "as good as possible."
No.
I can feel as miserable as I want.
And that is just fine.

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Being honest about being miserable,
gives me the freedom to find ways to be happy.